Enjoying the Sunshine

It was a beautiful late spring morning as she walked along the edge of the lake in a pair of jeans and a light blue sweater. The school year was almost over and she was just a bit sad about the whole thing. But it meant a summer free of books and the hassles of school and she planned on enjoying every bit of it. Eventually she came to a nice flat spot, one she had sat at many times before. Spreading out her blanket up against a tree she leaned back and got comfortable planning on staying there until she got bored.

Closing her eyes she listened to the sound of the wind through the trees and then lapping of the slight waves against the shore. As she sat the music in her head weaved a simple melody. Fallon knew later she would be able to write some new music but for now she was simply at peace to sit lake side.

Finally the sun had decided to shine again over Hogwarts and it was getting warm. It was just a few days until the term was over and Jay was a bit....well he couldn't explain how he felt even he tried. It had been a great but strange term. With so many things to think about...he had had a messed up life before arriving the school, but he could had sworn that nowadays it was more confusing if it was possible, at least in his revolted heart.

He didn't feel like being inside, so he put on a pair of jeany bermuda and a sleeveless black tight t-shirt. It was really warm and he wanted to enjoy the sun, so he made his way to the lake trying not to think in anything. When he felt the soft breeze of the lake in his face, a grin appeared in his face and he kept on walking, just wondering why he had left his sunglasses in his room.

After a while walking he noticed a really known figure near him. Jay stopped his steps doubting about what to do. His heart had started to beat faster just the way it did when they were together. He hadn't seen Fallon since the day they broke up, and he was just realizing how much he had missed her....oh yeah nice, that wouldn't be good to his confused mind, but he couldn't just turn around and leave, he wanted to know if she was happy, so he started walking again towards her, coughing softly.

"Hi..." he said softly "Mind if I join you?"

Fallon was lost inside her head, the music holding her attention for the moment. Tapping her fingers against her jean covered leg she almost wished she would have brought her notebook with her but that would have defeated the purpose of relaxing for a bit. As she sat with her eyes closed the sound of footsteps approaching registered but she didn't open her eyes figuring they would pass right by, leaving her undisturbed. It wasn't until he coughed that she finally opened her eyes.

To say she was surprised to see Jay would have been the understatement of the year. But since they had broken up she had pretty much avoided him, not really knowing what else to say to him. She would have loved to remain friends with him but she figured he wouldn't want that so she didn't bother. It was sad though, because even though things didn't go how she planned she still loved him and valued his friendship greatly.

Offering him a small smile she shook her head slightly, causing her long locks to fall around her face. She immediately pushed them away and motioned for him to take a seat, "Hey you...no go right ahead. Plenty of room out here for the both of us." Wow...that sounded even more lame once it actually left her lips but she couldn't exactly take it back now so she just kinda sat there like a dunce.

A sigh tried to leave Jay's lips as he saw he beautiful hair moving and falling around her face, but he contained it and grinned at her words. They sounded a bit lame but meh it didn't matter at that very moment, he wasn't either absolutely sure about what to say her, or if he really wanted to talk to her. 'Courage, boy....' his mind muterred in his ears.

Finally he sat down next to her and lost his gaze by the lake.
"Great weather, isn't it?" he asked. 'Yeah...very eloquent' his mind yelled with a mental snort and he looked back at her finally sighing slightly "How....how are you?"

Fallon watched him for a moment as he stood there, a small smile crossing her face as she did. Crossing her legs she patted the blanket beside her as a peace offering for him to sit. She wasn't quite sure of what would happen with them but she really hoped that they could be friends in the future. That was just one thing she wanted for them, she thought it was possible but didn't know how he would feel about that.

When he mentioned the weather she couldn't stop the burst of laughter that escaped over her lips. "Actually the weather is very nice right now, I've waited all winter for weather like this." Smiling again she brushed her hair back behind her ear as the breeze tried to pull it in front of her face. "I'm not too bad Jay, life is going pretty good now. How about you? How have you been doing?"

When he heard her laughing, a smile appeared in his face, he actually had missed that sound also, hell he missed her badly, but well at least the rancor had gone away. He still loved her, more than his own life, but he had decided that if she was happy, he would also be, and well he would like to be his friend....he would need a bit of time for that but she was too important to him to loose all the contact.

When she said she wasn't bad he smiled and glanced down.
"Well, I could have been better I guess" he said honestly "But I'm not that bad, I'm better than what I expected to be, and thats a good think, I could aslo have been worse so I'm glad with that, it's not so bad"

Kicking her legs out in front of her she glanced towards the lake as the Giant Squid surfaced for a moment and then ducked back down beneath the murky depths. Fallon was unsure of herself now around him and she knew that things hadn't gone anywhere near how she wanted them to be. But she knew if she would have stayed in the relationship with Jay she would have only questioned herself along the way. No, this was the best thing for all of them. It had to be because it was done now.

Looking up at him as he spoke she nodded solemnly, "I am sorry Jay, you must know that. I didn't set out for things to go how they did. They just happened." Reaching up she ran her fingers through her hair nervously, "Its good though, that you are doing good.. I've been thinking about you a lot lately but I stayed away cause I figured you wouldn't want to talk to me."

"It's okay, honey, it's okay. If that decission made you happy I will be happy too. Your own happyness means mine, so don't worry, everything that needed to be forgiven is already done" he said with a soft smile in his lips. Then he sighed at her words, she had been thinking about him? well that was actually a surprise.

"Honestly, I have thought about you too, a lot. And well, I'm talking to you, aren't I?" he said with a soft wink and a smile "I admit that the few next days after we broke up I didn't want to talk to you, but the rancor is gone, and you are still important to me"

Listening to him she still tried to keep a smile on her face, "I know you said that before. But still I wonder. And thank you I really hated what happened that day, things didn't come out how I wanted them to." Frowning she tucked her hands against her lap and sat in silence for a long moment.

"Really Jay, I figured you would have wished all kind of hexes on me but yes it very good that you are talking to me. I've missed our talks and our walks and just generally hanging out. But I know thats all my fault. Hopefully though we can be friends in the future." Reaching up she ran her fingers through her hair again. "I'll take what I can get though."

He listened to her with a sad smile on his face. As he saw her running her fingers through her hair again he widened his smile slightly and rose up his hand to her cheek driving one rebel lack of her hiar back to behing her ear, and then put his hand again to rest in his lap.

"I also miss hanging out with you. I would love to be your friend, I really want to, but I need some time. I still love you too much even I'm trying to avoid that feeling, but I need to assimilate that this is over, so I can be your friend again. Not that i couldn't now, I just don't want to bother you with my stupid 'I still love you' like now. You don't deserve that" he said with a soft sigh.

Fallon froze slightly as she felt his fingertips brush over her cheek to push her hair back behind her ear but she relaxed once he withdrew his hand back to his lap. It was sad how she missed something so innocent but she had made her decisions and now she had to live with them.

Nodding she let out a soft sigh as she looked back up at him. "I can understand that Jay, I'll be here to be your friend whenever you are ready to take that step." Dropping her gaze back down to her hands as she brushed them over her lap she decided to keep what she was feeling to herself cause she knew it would only confuse him that much more. "Well I am here if you need an ear, just remember that Jay."

Jay nodded slightly at her, but he frowned a bit as she dropped her gaze again.
"I'm also here if you need an ear, like now" he said and grabbed her chin softly to make her look back up at him, he was still frowning.

"I know you well enough to know that there's something disturbing you inside. What's wrong, Fallon?" he asked trying not to glance down to her lips, he missed her kisses so so much...so much that he had to shook his head softly to avoid that thoughts.

"I know you are, you were there for me when everyone else seemingly forgot I existed. I never thanked you enough for that, and I appreciated it more than you could ever know." When he gripped her chin she looked back up at him defiantly, if there was anything she hated it was the fact that people could read her so easily. She needed to get better at hiding her emotions, especially around him.

Once he released her chin she looked away again, trying to perfect the mask that she needed to start wearing around him. "Nothing much Jay, I was just thinking about this summer and how I'll miss you and how screwed up I made everything. I don't wanna talk about it though because talking isn't going to solve us and how I feel about you still." Pushing up off of the ground she walked forward towards the lake and crossed her arms over her chest. She couldn't believe she had just let that come out of her mouth.

As Fallon spoke, Jay's eyebrows rose more and more. How she felt about him? Yeah, even that could confuse him more, he needed to know, he needed to be sure that he hadn't been a game for her. If she still had some kind of feeling for him, he wanted to know.

As she stood up, Jay did the same, following her steps and finally hugging her from behind softly and sweetly. "Why don't you try?" he muttered next to her ear "I think I deserve to know whatever is running through your mind" he added and smiled slightly giving her a kiss on the cheek, releasing then her and stepping forwards to be by her side. "Come on, speaking is the best way of solving everything" he finally said as an encouragement for her.

Fallon knew that she had said to much, admitted to things she much rather would have kept to herself. But like all things it was out now and she couldn't take it back. Rubbing her hands over her arms she stared at the late darkly, ignoring everything around her for as long as possible. She heard him move behind her and was about to move away once again until his arms wrapped around her. It took every thing she had not to lean into the embrace and she stood as still as possible.

After he kissed her cheek she dropped her posture a bit, still debating on whether or not to walk away now or to tell him the truth. Looking up at him she shook her head, Fallon knew that anything she said that was close to a lie he would figure out so it wasn't even worth the effort. "I don't know what to say Jay that I haven't already told you before. I love you, I do but I couldn't ignore my feelings for him. I don't regret the time we spent together."

Jay sighed glancing down at her words and nodded slightly looking back up at her.
"Yeah....I know,...I know all that, I just asked because you are speaking like if...." Jay shook his head "Forget it" he said softly and walked back to the tree sitting down again. What he was thinking was absolutely impossible. She loved Jax, so everything that was running over his mind in that very moment where only fairytales and fantasies.

Standing there she shifted her weight back and forth as she stared out over the lake, watching a bird here or there dip down towards the surface before flying off once more. Every inch of her being was screaming at her to run away, run before more things came out that couldn't be taken back. Listening to him speak she continued to look away from him. "Like what Jay, like I still love you..still have feelings for you. It..it doesn't matter. We can only be friends right now. And when he isn't here next year I'm gonna need someone to keep me company.."as her sentence trailed off to a whisper she started to walk away, down the lake shore.

Jay was a few steps away from her, but he was able to hear every word of her as there wasn't much noise there. He frowned and was thinking of letting her go and walk away, but suddenly he noticed that he was actually walking after her. Then he noticed that he was running towards her. He was not much aware of what he was doing, as his mind was begging to leave thinks like the were at that moment. Suddenly he got in front of her stopping her steps an breathed deeply.

"I meant like if you weren't happy with him and you....and like if...." it was difficult to say, it sounded a bit narcissistic "Like if you really miss me" he whispered and then got off her way breathing hardly and looking at the ground.

She was hoping that he would leave things lay where they were but as soon as she was half way down the lake shore she heard his steps as he caught up with her. Scowling she looked up at him as he bounded around her and came to a stop. "Just let it go Jay, please for both our sakes. You'll find another girl better than me." she said angrily as he started to speak. This was what she had been trying to avoid, she didn't want him to know what she was still feeling.

Finally she looked back up at him with sadness in her eyes. "That's the trouble Jay. He does make me happy, as happy as you make me. I do miss you though, your laughter and hugs," turning away again she shook her head trying to erase the times she had spent in his arms from her memory. "Maybe we would be better off if we weren't friends until some time passes," she said in a hushed whisper.

Jay listened at her words, and his jaw dropped at her last sentence. He snorted and started to mutter incomprehensible things walking towards her.

As he passed by her side he clearly muttered "Women..." and kept on walking muttering and snorting sometimes. After a few steps he stopped and looked back at her defiantly, about to say something. But the words decided not to come out his throat so he snorted again and turned around, but didn't move from his place. He wanted to leave and let things be like they were, but something was still keeping him there.

Fallon could tell he was upset with her but given the way things were going she was surprised he hadn't tossed her in the lake at this point. "What Jay..what do you want me to say...for me to do. I'm with Jax now and no matter how much I love you I can't change that fact. You told me to be happy so that's what I'm trying to do."

Walking up to him she stared up at him defiantly, waiting for him to say something...anything that would make all the craziness go away.

Jay snorted again at her words. It was driving him crazy. As she stared up at him, he did at her as defiantly as she was doing, and finally decided to say everything he had been thinking since he found out her feelings for Jaxon.

"What I want you to do? Stop lying to yourself. Or at least stop lying to me. If you are happy with him then just enjoy the ride and leave me be. But what I can't handle is with your own indecision. About ten minutes ago you wanted me to be your friend and to hang out with me, and now you think it's better to wait?" Jay snorted once more "I'm aware that I have to put my feelings in order, but take my advice and do the same with yours. Not to be back with me, but to stop making us suffer, and I mean us three, but over Jaxon or me I mean you"

He had spat the words out and still was looking at her defiantly, but at least everything was out now.

Without even realizing what she was doing she began to back away from him, she didn't want to listen to what he had to say anymore. Every time he spoke all he did was confuse her that much more, and she refused to let her walls down even more than they already were. "Fine. Its..oh just never mind. I love Jax and I don't plan on breaking up with him anytime soon. When you decide you are ready to be my friend you come and find me. Because even though I love you, my love is greater for him. And you...well I just don't know."

Spinning around on her feels she started away from him and started walking up the path through the woods, deciding to take the long way back up to the castle not paying any attention to the fact that it would be getting dark soon.

Or Jay was a complete idiot, or he didn't understand women....or both. At her words he snorted once more, not because of what she had said, just because it sounded like wanting to remind him how she had broken his heart, the difference was that now it was so broken that it was impossible to break it more. He looked at her walking and when he was far enough he whispered.

"I'll let you find me when YOU are ready" and with an angry sigh he added "I love you..."

With a last snort he turned around and started walking up back to Hogwarts when suddenly he noticed it was getting dark. He stopped biting his own lip. Would he go after Fallon? He shook his head, nah, she was the head girl for something...But if something happened to her? He shook his head again, SuperJaxon was there to save her if she needed help.

After doubting a bit he kept on walking, frowning, deciding to take a bath and try once more to put his feelings in order.

Brushing the angry tears off of her cheek she sighed as she headed deeper down the path all the while wondering why she came this way before she remembered it was because of him. Walking in the forest was something she typically avoided because every time she went something tragic happen. The last time she was there she managed to trip over a fallen log and break her elbow in the process. That resulted in a 3 day stay in the hospital while the bone mended.

Cursing her own stupidity she glanced up at the dying light through the trees knowing if she didn't hurry it would be after dark before she reached the castle. So she started to walk a bit faster in the dim light. After she was about half way there she could have swore she heard something following her through the forest. Stopping she looked around but all she could hear was the wind rustling through the trees above her. "Stop being so paranoid Fallon there is nothing there."

Picking up the speed of her step she froze immediately as she heard something crunching through the under brush. Deciding whatever it was was playing games with her she took off running up the path. Just as she came in view with the castle as she rounded the last bend she tripped over a large root and tumbled to the ground striking her head against the side of a tree. Wincing in pain she cried out softly as she pulled back her fingers noticing they were wet after she touched the side of her head. Never one that did well with blood she passed out and slumped back against the tree.