I'm Sorry..

Gwen kissed him back and let her tongue dart out to tease his as she let him pick her up and her hands got lost in his hair.

She knew how hard this was for him and she kissed him more, feeling her mind cloud over a little bit. She bit his lip teasingly meeting his gaze for a second before kissing him again.
She had a feeling he wouldn´t leave again but she didn´t know what would be later on. And she couldn´t make herself think about it at the moment.

So she just kissed him back tightening her hold and teasing his lips.

My tongue playfully glided across her own as we teased one another, and I shifted her body even closer to me so that we were completely touching. My sweatshirt had been completely disregarded and was now in a pile on the floor at my feet, but I could have cared less. I wasn't sure if Gwen realized how hard the situation was for me, but I could feel her beginning to kiss me even more, which I easily responded to.

So I wasn't sure what to do. I mean.. I supposed the answer was obvious, but it wasn't like I could completely shut off who I was to be the person she brought out in me. It just wasn't that simple.. and as much as I was enjoying myself, I honestly wasn't sure if I could handle something like that. I decided not to think about it, knowing it would only contribute to my anxiety. Biting down on her lower lip teasingly I inhaled in our brief pause of kissing. I was soon melting our lips together again though, and I began to walk over toward one of the couches with her still in my arms.

Gently setting her back down on one of the couches, I lightly separated us. "Are you sure you want to get into something like this?" My voice was a mere whisper, but I needed to warn her.. I just didn't want to risk hurting her again. Never before had I cared, but now.. well, things were different. Or.. things were different when it came to her. But hell.. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to get into something like this. Of course I wasn't asking if she was wanting to get into.. a.. relationship. No, I was more so asking if she was ready to get.. her feelings even more involved with someone like me. Yeah, that made more sense.

Gwen sighed at his whisper and cupped his face before answering;
"Yes. I´m sure. now kiss me you goof." she smirked pulling him in for another kiss.
She was amazed at how kind he could be but she knew that he had issues with it so she kept emotional answers short so he would feel more comfortable.
What she really wanted to answer was 'yesyesyesyesyyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes.'
But somehow, that even freaked her out.
She kissed him back before kissing down his jaw still teasing.

I found myself exhaling slowly when she cupped either side of my face, much like I'd done to her only a few moments before. I couldn't help but smile ever so softly when I heard her telling me that she was sure. In a way, that had been what I wanted to hear.. but in the other way, it wasn't. Knowing that she was so sure and I couldn't even give her that.. I tried to who e the thoughts out of my mind as her command reached my lips.

I ended up smirking slightly, trailing my index finger along her bottom lip. "You got it, boss." I leaned forward and kissed her again just like she'd requested, supporting myself by pushing either of my hands up against the back of the couch. She was still sitting while I was still standing, but it wasn't going to be that way for long. I exhaled slowly as she kissed down my jaw line teasingly, and in the next moment I was taking a seat beside her. Pacing our fingers together, I pulled her lightly into my lap, our position pretty similar to the one back in the RoR. "That's better." I murmured with a smirk.

Slowly but surely... my thoughts were becoming numb. And I was a bit thankful.

Gwen smirked back, "Damn straight." she whispered kissing him back running her tongue over his bottom lip briefly and smiling when she was on his lap again.
Yes...it was much better that way.
She nibbled his lip after he spoke and felt her thoughts and worries...fade away.

Battling with my thoughts was never one of my favorite things to do. Especially when it was over something I had little to no experience dealing with. But the more I made myself focus on Gwen, and what was happening right now, the quieter they seemed to get, until I could barely hear them at all. I really wondered how I was able to do that, but I didn't want to question it too much.

I sighed against her lips as she nibbled on my lower one, and I gave her another almost needy kiss before I slowly sat back. Pausing to rest my lower hands on her back, I tilted my head vaguely. "Why?" I finally asked, my expression a mixture of feelings. I quickly composed myself though, never one to leave my raw emotions quite so obvious for very long. "Why me out if all people?" I finally clarified. Of course with my cocky attitude and over confidence, I should have been coming up with tons of answers.

What I supposed I should have asked was, why was she wanting something like this with a person like me when she knew that I could very possibly hurt her?

Gwen raised an eye brow until he clarified. She sighed and bit her lip in thought.
"I don´t know...You´re just...in a way, you´re... you´re... worth the risk." she finally said. She knew he could hurt her, that the odds were against her. But they always were. She refused to spend one second not living life fully and Evan just...he made her feel...a way she never had before. It scared her but...it also didn´t. It was confusing. But..she liked it...somehow...
"I´ve never...No one...There´s something about you...I can´t describe it." she finished slightly frustrated.

In a way, I pretty much expected the answer 'I don't know.' I didn't expect her to say anything further then that, even if I wanted a more direct answer. I had to understand that not everything could be exactly given a direct answer, but I was unsure if this was one of these moments. Maybe she'd surprise me. Hearing her say I was worth the risk, I diverted my attention away from her. I'd never heard something like that said to me before, and it made me feel.. well, I wasn't sure how it made me feel. And once more, I wasn't exactly sure what she meant by it. But I wasn't going to make her explain it even more. That wouldn't be right.

I didn't look back to her for a moment as she began talking again, but as she finished with a hint of frustration in her voice, I exhaled softly. "I understand." I finally said, letting my gaze fall back on her. Part of me really did understand. Not what she was trying to say, but understood that not everything, especially not confusing things never before experienced, could be put into explainable words. And that was just the way life was.

Gwen pulled his gaze back to her resting her fingers under his chin.
"I wish I had a better answer. But I´m sure you don´t have one either. Relax." she whispered kissing him again, a bit rougher than he knew from her.
There were two sides to every coin after all.

I listened to her before cracking a vague smile. "Don't worry about it." I replied quietly, nodding when she said I probably didn't have a better answer either. And she was right.. I didn't. Her answer was about ten times better then mine could possibly ever be right now, but I wasn't about to admit that. Not out loud anyhow, the nod had been quite enough.

I heard her telling me to relax, and her whispering like that alone was enough to make me want to oblige. I wished it were that easy though. But when she kissed me again, there was a notable change to the way she was handling it. Rougher.. more like something I was used to, not coming from her though. I hesitated for a mere second before I was returning the kiss, one of my hands rising as I brought my fingers through her hair lightly.

I could feel my muscles ever so slowly beginning to relax. A long way from it, but it was something, right?

Gwen turned the kiss into a second and third wrapping her arms around his neck. she smiled slightly feeling him relax a little bit.
"Better?" she whispered between his lips, her own slightly tense muscles loosening. She was grateful that the commons were empty or Jor would be smirking worse than ever.

I allowed her to turn the kisses into a second and third one, responding each time. I could feel her smiling slightly against my lips and it was hard not to smile back. I wasn't sure why, but it was almost like an immediate reaction now, and I didn't want to question it too much.

"A bit." I whispered back before kissing her again, sliding my hands up and down her back. I could feel that she also seemed to be relaxing, and with that fact my muscles relaxed even more. I wasn't sure how she was managing to do it, but she was.

I continued to kiss her for a little while longer, but guilt was slowly starting to creep into my brain. Yes, I knew the Commons were empty.. but what if someone else were to walk in? Not that I normally cared.. but one of my erm.. a person I'd slept with. Well she was in this house. And if she ended up walking in and seeing me with Gwen..

I broke the kiss off quickly, exhaling as I did so. If I was caught doing this with Gwen, then people would assume she was just another "bang and run." It was weird to me, but I didn't want people thinking that. I wasn't sure what Gwen was to me exactly, but I knew it wasn't that.

Only now did I realize I'd pulled away so quick, and without even offering an explanation.. oops.

Gwen´s expression was pure confusion.
"Wha-" she started cut off by her thoughts.
She quickly pushed her thoughts away but left the look on her face.
"What´s wrong?" she asked tilting her head thoughtfully her dark eyes flashing silver for a moment.

I felt guilty almost as soon as I saw the confusion on her face. My first instinct was to look away from it, but for some reason.. when she cut off her sentence I found myself watching her closely. What was going through her mind? I wanted to know, but something told me not to ask. And what was even more out of place... I opened my mouth to somehow answer her, but something stopped me. The silver.. it flashed across her eyes again. The same silver I'd seen running down her cheeks...

Blinking I tried to re-focus my thoughts, but I was sure my expression was bewildered. "I.. I just. Okay." This was going to be harder then I thought. After she heard about how much of a manwhore I was.. "I slept with someone in this house. And.. I just remembered where we were and.. well." Why was this so hard to admit? I wasn't ashamed of my ways, I reminded myself. Glancing up I exhaled slowly. "I don't want anyone seeing us like this because.. I don't want them getting the wrong idea." I finished in a mutter. "And while I'm telling you of how much of a whore I am.. I've slept with two other people in Gryffindor, too." Why I was admitting all of this to her, I wasn't sure. Maybe I was hoping she'd see how terrible I was and stop this entire thing before anything got too.. serious.

And for some reason, hoping to move her attention away from my.. actions, the question flew from my mouth. "Why did your eyes flash silver?"

Gwen listened nodding slowly. She didnt know in quite such detail but she knew his reputation.
She tried not to think about it, hoped it wasn´t going to happen while she was somewhat in the picture. She didnt know if she could forgive him that.
And she kinda liked how he was worried of people getting the wrong idea, it meant that that idea wasn´t on his mind. And that was great.

"You´re not a whore Evan...you´ve just...tried your options....I´m not one to judge and if anyone cold be called a whore...then that would be me..." she whispered the last bit quietly not meeting his gaze.
She didnt answer his question, not sure how he would take it since she´d already avoided it on the train.

It wasn't that I hadn't figured that Gwen knew I had a reputation, because I was well aware she knew of it. It was.. well. It was sort of hard not to know of it. But I'd wanted her to hear everything from my mouth.. and not just by rumors she'd heard. It was strange, feeling that way when normally I couldn't care less what someone thought about me. But once again, I tried not to over think it in fear of actually letting the anxiety take over again. This was some fucking hard work, let me tell you. I inhaled, holding the air in my lungs for a few extra seconds then what was usually necessary before I was exhaling again.

I could feel my brow arching slightly as she said I wasn't a whore, but was simply "testing my options." "Not exactly what I would call it.." I said with a small sigh. Why was she being so understanding about it? I hadn't expected it, but I also knew I shouldn't complain about it, either. The moment she indirectly called herself a whore though, I felt my muscles tensing up a fraction. "You aren't a whore, Gwen." I said almost defensively, but I tried to force myself to calm down.

"Why.. why would you even say that?" But judging by the way her voice had dropped, and the way she'd looked away from me.. I wasn't so sure she'd tell me.

Gwen sighed and kept her face to the floor.
He´d been honest. The least she could do was return the favour.
"I- I am though. I was." she corrected.
"Things were..really bad. I don´t know if you heard, but I´m alone and, when you´re 15 and alone...you don´t have many options..." she whispered,
"At first I thought he just wanted a performer, a singer for the club...I didn´t know..." she broke off.
"I spent the past summer and the year before that stuck there...working so I wouldn´t land on the streets. I was able to leave this christmas. After I had enought money." she whispered knowing she needn´t explain her work. She never gave herself..but she had had to gave a lot.

I didn't force Gwen to look at me, mostly because I didn't want to force her to do something she didn't want to do.. even if it was as small of a gesture as that. When she said that she was, I went to go argue with her again.. until she corrected herself, saying she had been. Wait.. what? I furrowed my brow in confusion. Why wasn't this making any sense to me?

I kept quiet as she began speaking again, although the confusion turned first to horror, to understanding, and then to nothing at all. I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to react, or what I could even say.. but I was very surprised she was actually telling me. After all.. this was all very personal. Even worse then what I'd told her. Compared to hers, mine seemed like childish games. Once she finished talking, I didn't hesitate to pull her closer to me, tucking her head against my chest as I wrapped my arms around her.

"That doesn't make you a whore, Gwen." I said softly, staring at nothing as I continued to hold her close to me. "You didn't have a choice. If you had done it willingly because you wanted to.. but you did it because you had to." I said quietly. "So please. Don't call yourself a whore ever again. Not around me, anyhow." I stated. I wasn't sure where this.. comforting side of me had come from, but I decided not to question it.

Gwen nodded leaning against his chest. "I promise." she answered. And there was his comforting side again.
Surprised her every time.
But she didnt comment on it, detirmened to make it easier for him.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and met his gaze for a second before kissing him.
She felt..relieved that he didnt judge her, like she knew a lot of people would.

I sighed quietly but was relieved when she agreed not to call herself that anymore. "Thanks." I replied, but then seemed to realize just how.. soft I'd gone in that exact moment. Slowly my hand stopped the comforting gesture, but I wasn't sure why. Perhaps I just.. wasn't used to acting like this just yet. Too much too soon? I couldn't decide, but I was grateful that Gwen had decided not to comment on it.

I slowly felt myself relaxing again when she wrapped her arms around my neck, but after a moment my eyes were sliding closed as I allowed myself to kiss her back. I wouldn't have judged her on that, even if I didn't know her more then I actually did. Stuff like that, when it was out of someone's power.. how could you judge it?

After a moment I pulled away again, settling my hands on her lower back. I didn't know what to say.. so I just said nothing. Seemed fitting right now.

Gwen leaned back when he did in silence. Her thoughts were starting to buzz again.
Damnit.
How was it that she understood it all, couldn´t explain anything and also didnt understand any of it all.
Oooh...migraine coming on...
She rested her hand on his shouler and her other hand on his arm.
The silence was nice and she didn´t want to break it just yet.
She enjoyed that moment, where her mind was quiet.
But it couldn´t last forever.
Sighing she looked past him at the wall her eyes tired.
What she wanted to ask was *what now* but she knew he didn´t know either.
"So...I guess we´ll just...wait and see?" she whispered so the silence wasnt completely lost.

I continued to keep silent as she rested her head on my chest, and I exhaled slowly through my nose as I let my attention flutter toward the door. Not that I was waiting for someone to just stroll in, mostly because it was the first place I ended up looking. And it wasn't as if I had anything else to look at, with Gwen's attention also elsewhere. I wasn't used to being in the position of not knowing what to say, and truth be told it was more then slightly uncomfortable. I was trying my best not to think like that though. It was just the more I wasn't doing anything.. the more time I had to think. Not on the top of my list of things to do.

Finally I glanced down toward her again, and I noticed the tiredness in her eyes. Shifting my attention away from her once more, I listened to her whisper. I really did wish I could give her some sort of answer to put her mind at ease, but.. I couldn't. And it was all I could do to just vaguely nod my head. Yup, we would just have to wait and see. I was never good at waiting.. but clearly this time around I had to be. After a moment, I seemed to find my voice again. "Do you want me to go?" I asked suddenly. "I can tell you're tired and all.." I wasn't exactly sure where the question had come from, but too late to take it back now.

Gwen smiled a bit at his nod but was looking away so he couldn´t see.
Then he asked if he should go. She really didnt want him to, but she knew there was nothing keeping him here.
"I´m always tired," she chuckled, "But if you want to go..." she said though she´d wait for an aswer before sliding off his lap.

I paused for a moment, sighing a bit when I heard her words. I didn't exactly want to go, and I didn't want to make it appear as if I was leaving her again..

"I just.. don't know what else to say." I replied truthfully, shrugging slightly. "And since you were dozing before I popped in.." I reminded her with a slight chuckle.

Gwen chuckled,
"Eh, I doze enough in class. How about you tell me about yourself then, who is the mysterious Evan Caldwell?" she teased lightly.